Schmetterlinge in weiß






Sunny Raining Day

I'm right back from the christening of my goddaughter. Happy to have her! God, save her!
It was quite warm. I put on my new white shirt and jeans. I knew he qould come and it was cool -until the moment I saw him and we said "hi" to each other.
My friend did this game: "Made her lucky" and I went to the front (from all people) and pulled out the card: "For opening the buffet - do a thanksgiving prayer"
That was alright but as I saw him -watching right to me, my heart started beating and I felt like my knees get weak.
I didn't know that it would touch me that way.
After the Mass we went to the back-garden where I did the prayer. We talked a lot and I could watch in his direction. My heart feels so bad!
After three hours I had to go, because I felt so terrible... Why this should happen to me? Why should I fall in love with someone who doesn't want me?
"You're so attractiv, so cute... But it's not possible in the moment for me..."
You're wasting your breath!
And I was so sure about it! I was so sure that he could be right for me.
My heart hurts...
I hate it to be such depressed and sad! That's not me!

My hand searches for your hand
In a dark room
I can't find you
Help me
Are you looking for me?

Can I feel anymore?
Lie to me, I'm fading
I can't drop you
Tell me, I don't need you

I was invitated to a birthday of my best friend's fiancé. I couldn't go there. I can't. And I thought I would be strong enough... Strong enough to say goodbye to all these feelings, to everything that touches me, when I see him.

Etch this into my brain for me
Tell me, how it's supposed to be
Where everything will go
And how I'll be without you by my side

Why he's always looking to me in that way? I thought I could stand it. But now I see, I'm weak.

Maybe I'll watch "Twilight" this evening... masochistic... That's how true love should be. Against nature. Against everything that's against you...

Tell me, I don't need you

4.7.09 21:01