I'm valedictorian, so i had to go university-meeting today. Three students will fail the year and I'm not allowed to tell anybody anything... I hate this! I'm the secret carrier. What irony! This morning my course and I met in the Schlosspark to hang around, talk about the last year and the coming skilled work. We decided to play a game. Two students have to hide anywhere in a spatially limited area -the secret carriers. Both of them had to hide a thing, which they have to give to the group who'd find them first. Guess who was the secret carrier??? Right -me!
We had 15minutes to hide.
The grass and flowers were so high, that I decided to sit down anywhere between it. There was this little place between violet flowers. I was runing through it until I sat down and waited. The gras was head and shoulders above me! You couldn't see nothing from far away. And so I was sitting there. Listening the the bees, observed spiders and listen to the sound the gras made when the wind blowed.
Nobody found me. So I had much time to think about the last days, the last weeks, the things which has happend with Ryan. Normally I always find a reason for things that make me sad or contemplative. But for now... there's nothing...
In the evening I went to rehearsal. We talked about our future. Where will we go? What are our goals? How it should go on? It was nice! My goddaughter was there, too! Everyone brought something with him/her... water melone, snacks, wine, water, sandwiches... It was really nice. It was cloudy but quite warm. But the whole time I felt like I wasn't really there. I saked my friend something and had to ask again for the question because I couldn't consentrate... Strange... I'm not myself in the moment.
A few of us (me included) went to have an ice-cream after the rehearsal. So we went through Schmargendorf to this indescribable café where they sell the best ice-cream ever! We laught, talked and I found myself again. But THEN two men on bikes came across the street towards to our group. It was Ryan with his brother... And he watched the same way to me, like he did on Saturday... And my world's upside down again!
You're your life's author.